I Don’t Want to Live My Life In A Working Haze
I don’t want to look back after 20 years and think, what the hell did I do in all that time? Was the most important thing I got done something that someone else directed me to do? Did I let the time pass by in a haze of commuting, drive-thru meals, meetings, paperwork and stuff that deep down or not so deep-down I think is a bunch of bullshit? Because let’s be honest, I think most stuff is bullshit, nothing is worth getting too serious and worked up about, and yet I find myself getting worked up on a daily basis, sitting at my desk, doing things that someone else is telling me to do. I need to wake up early enough to see the sunrise, to catch the glint of the morning sun as it rises over the landscape. I don’t want to get stuck in the rut of sleeping till the last minute, waking up to a frantic fifteen minutes of get-dressed-walk-the-dogs-brush-teeth-chug-OJ and get out the door to jump into the car for a 45 minute commute, work mindlessly all day, sit back in traffic for another hour to get home, and then try to cram a bunch of activities in the next four hours of the evening before I pass out again, having skipped at least 4 of the “must do today” tasks on my list, to repeat that same day four more times before the weekend hits. I’ve done that routine before. It drove me crazy. I fell into a mindless routine and spending money was the only escape. But there are so many opportunities in the day I just described. It’s easy to miss them [wake up early to work out] [take a morning walk for a break] [bring a book or journal to study or write at lunch][take advantage of work at home and non-commute options] and I think I have been for the past few weeks. So I have to remind myself to not work myself into a foggy haze. To not let someone else do my thinking and not take any initiative. To not question my own abilities. To not let writing fall to the wayside because “I’m tired” (must be said in a pouty voice, with hands on hips). I can do everything on my plate and much, much more. I’m ready for the next big challenge.