Is a Character Flaw Permanent? Can People Change or Are We Doomed for Cycles of Misery?
Pardon me, your hierarchy looks very BS-heavy.
I had a conversation with my sister a few years back that is as vivid as if it happened yesterday. I was telling her about a bad choice that a mutual friend of ours had made, and she was so put off by it that she dismissed the whole thing and said, “That’s a character flaw.” And I knew that she had dismissed this person entirely in her mind. Now, I agreed that our friend had made a bad decision (a really bad decision). But I tend to be a lot more forgiving of people. I think it’s because I make so many mistakes. I screw up quite a few times before I get things right. So I thought calling something a character flaw was so permanent, so unforgiving. All these years later, I still find the term “character flaw” fascinating. It seems to apply quite well to the world of personal finance. Is living beyond your means a character flaw? It definitely catches up to you in the long run, but is it a permanent, static character flaw that runs through your pig-headed veins like so much stubborn blood? God, I hope not. Maybe we all have some character flaws but one characteristic we all possess is the ability to change ourselves. It is not easy. On the surface, I would much prefer to live a life where I don’t think too hard and I buy shiny things regularly. But when I think about that idea just a little, I know it’s not for me. I crave new ideas, business ventures, meeting lots of people and trying something new everyday. Shopping and consumerism don’t feed my soul and I’ve always known that. I just didn’t know any other way to be. There’s an interesting book called “The Transformative Way” by Scott Sherman (contact me if you want a copy) and it’s based on the idea of positive psychology. I thought positive psychology was New Age, The Secret-style BS, but it has some legitimate research behind it. It’s easy to mock because it’s studying “achievement, happiness and how people achieve their best”. But as you read a little more into the subject, you realize, “What’s wrong with that?” Why are we afraid to think about what makes human beings happy? Why don’t we study more about how we can compel radical change, transform organizations, governments or ourselves? Positive psychology wants to show people that change is possible and maybe it’s easy to mock it when we don’t see any change likely in ourselves or the world around us.
In The Transformative Way, the author claims that 90% of the time, people don’t change, even when they want or need to (like changing a diet for serious health reasons). The statistics say that 90% of the people reading this article won’t make the changes in their life that they need to in order to improve their lives. But statistics aren’t always accurate. And statistics can always change from month to month, year to year. Can you?
I have to hand it to you…when I’m doing my Saturday morning skimming of PF posts, it’s usually just that: skimming. But yours caught my attention. I’ve actually read one line 10 times: Is living beyond your means a character flaw? Such a good question – my head hurts.
I suppose it depends on WHY you’re living beyond your means. Are you obsessed with material things? Are you giving into temptation daily? Are you so in love with your children that you want to give them everything? Do you put too much faith in God, knowing that he will always take care of you? Or are you uneducated and haven’t been schooled in “making money?”
I think there are too many variables to give a “yes” or “no.”
Astute as always, Abe! I think there can be plenty of “whys” that justify living beyond your means, but is it something that most of us are stuck with and unable to change? And especially your last point, are you uneducated and ignorant about how money works so living beyond your means is a part of life? I feel like I relate to that and also see people in the lowest income segments living in this way. I think those are the people I most want to empower to change and be excited about that change.
I think it’s possible to change but like you said it’s really hard. The payoff in not changing is being more comfortable with the norm that it would be to actually change the behavior. When my financial mindset changed last year, it wasn’t easy, it still isn’t easy, and I get cranky about it all the time. But there was a shift last year that made me understand that the old way was going to hurt me a lot worse than the new way of thinking. New habits need to be formed and those take time, and a whole lot of work. The deepest of desires has to be present to make it happen.
I like your point and it just makes me keep thinking about the idea of a character flaw and what it means to me. Maybe I am an eternal optimist because I want to take what people might view as a flaw and push myself to change. Not because other people view it as a flaw, of course, but because it’s some part of myself that I want to change, and that doesn’t have to be related to just money.
Change is possible. I’ve changed. It took me a very long time, about ten years to realize that I needed to change and about five or six more to actually start making small changes that led to a complete change. So, yes, it is possible. But it is not going to happen overnight.
Well, me may not like statistics but thing is sure: statistics are predictive.
I do agree with “90% of people will not change” just because getting out of their comfort zone is too painful.
Stopping eating junk food, charging the credit card with things they can´t afford , self indulging on expensive restaurants: inertia is a difficult thing to stop, unless the consequences are far more painful than the reward.
Great post.
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I feel like if you really want to change, you will. If you only half want to change but don’t really care, nothing will be accomplished and you will be the exact same person. It comes down to how much you really want to change, because if you really want it, you will make it happen no matter what.
A lot of times “character flaws” are bad habits that people acquire throughout time. Like any other change you would want to make involving anything in life, it is going to need effort and determination to be accomplished. So as long as the person committing the mistakes or possessing these “flaws” become aware and commit themselves to changing theirs ways, I think it could be done.
You just had me ask myself why haven’t been reading more. I used to read allllll the time. What happened?? Computers happened. Thank you for making me want to feel the pages of a book again and not just keys on the computer. Im def going to try to find the book by Steve Martin. I had no idea he wrote!! Great post. I’ll be back to read more.
[...] or worse than anyone else. Your character is what you’ll most often be judged on, but I think that can change too. But if you can be rich, and you want to be rich, then go for it. Don’t listen to the advice [...]