Do You Believe the Lies You Tell Yourself?…and a $999.99 Giveaway
You know what? I still feel like I am nowhere near where I want to be financially. I’ve taken on some projects and increased my income, but my debt is still there and my assets are not growing nearly as much as I would like. This is a new place for me. I’ve never been less stressed about money yet felt so inadequate. Before I could be delusional and think I am going to increase my income 200% overnight and thereby wipe away all my financial pains. I’m paying down almost $2,000 each month in debt which is not enough to get me to $0 debt by 30. And I know why. I’m not working hard enough. Or smart enough. I’ve gotten back into that mentality where I think I just need one lump sum to take care of my money needs, when a real businesswoman should be thinking about how to build great products that provide value. That’s what I should be focused on, not I need to pay $X per month on this card to get it paid in full–just do that, don’t obsess over it.
I let the compliments get to my head. My friends and coworkers all tell me I am working hard, they seem impressed when I take on a project and it pays off. And I tell Ryan, I’ve worked really hard to get my debt down to this amount! And of course he tells me I’m amazing and that he’s proud of me. He is. But I’m not. This is not where I want to be. Not only should I be working harder, I can be more creative. I say I love color and art and the written word, but where the hell is that reflected in my work, online or otherwise?
This past month I learned a great lesson. I can take an idea from just an idea, a mere suggestion, all the way to execution, profitably. But this was just the first time I pulled something big off. So I’ve spent a few days in a little bit of a self-satisfied daze…when there is so much work to be done. I just read this article on Audrey Gelman and felt like a loser. We all need to be dancing, multi-faceted sparkly diamond versions of ourselves if we want to have our own show on HBO or at least have a speaking role on one.
So there it is. I’m in the best position I’ve ever been in my life to make sh*t happen and I’m trodding along as if a 5K walk is the hardest physical activity I’ve ever experienced. I know there is much more I can do, and in terms of blogging, much more content I can deliver to you, the people. I love the people. Speaking of the people, can one of you win this $999.99 already?
We all believe some lies about ourselves. Welcome to the club. It’s a big one, it meets every night at every pub in every town.
IMHO the key is understanding that there’s no end without a beginning, no matter how small or even how wrong. Let’s say you want to fly to Hawaii from Los Angeles. You take off and find yourself going east, heading to New York. Is that the end of the world? No, you simply check your heading, and make adjustments, until you’ve turned around, heading west.
Yes, it’s hard on your ego to find you’re actually heading to New York when you thought you did your best to get to Hawaii. It’s easy to call yourself a failure. But you’re not. You simply correct and turn around.
And as you fly back over LAX, you look down and see the real failures: those who are still parked. Because they are guaranteed to not get to Hawaii.
Get started. Correct. Persevere. Don’t beat yourself up. Endure open seas for a long time (no applause or gratification). And then, at the right time, because you’ve persevered and made the corrections along the way, ta da! You arrive.
Thanks for the amazing insight as always, William! I wonder what it is about life that is so cyclical in nature, no matter how well things go, I find myself doubting things or even wanting to feel sorry for myself, when I have no reason to. Most of the time I can realize what’s going on in my head and correct it, but sometimes I go to the pity party because it’s easier than planning and being productive. But talking about it and figuring out how to change it always helps!
“I’ve never been less stressed about money yet felt so inadequate.” That will take a little while to get over. Personally, I’m not over it yet either. I don’t think I’ll get over the feeling of inadequacy until I actually forgive myself for getting into debt in the first place, and that probably won’t happen until I feel secure financially. I expect it’ll take a few years. I hope it takes less time for you, because you’ve done an absolutely phenominal job of increasing your income and tackling your debt. You are amazing, and you should feel proud of yourself for your accomplishments.
Thanks Cassie! Actually, I think you have done amazing
. You know what’s the hard part? I used to think having $200 left over after paying bills, debt and all expenses would be amazing. I couldn’t imagine it, so I thought getting there would take care of everything. Well now I’m doing way better than $200/month left over and it’s easy to think it’s not enough. I agree, I think it will take a few years to feel somewhat secure financially.
I generally meet all my financial goals. It starts with setting reasonable goals. I never make excuses or lie to myself because it does absolutely no good for you. I usually make changes to reach the goal or success.
I was just thinking about you yesterday — thanks for writing!
Don’t beat yourself up… just start creating!
I think about you too friend! I feel like I am on a creating roll right now. I just need to get back into working out daily and I’m golden…
I think you’re being hard on yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in what other people are doing. You’re probably dong much better than you think!
Yeah, that’s the hard part when you can’t stop comparing! I gotta quit that