I’m Just That Guy Who Wrote the Cover Story of the Reader…
Editor’s Note: I read Curtis Howard’s story in the San Diego Reader back in November (check it out, it’s an excellent read). It was so good that I contacted the Reader to let Curtis know I would like him to join American Debt Project as a staff writer. He kindly agreed, and this is his first post. I hope that there will be many more to follow. It’s exciting to have my first staff writer be someone who grew up in the same town as I did, leading a life that is the mirror opposite of my own. So many years later, we are on a similar journey as people who have made significant changes and are serious about self-improvement, but still aware of the long, unglamorous path towards reaching our goals and dealing with the frustration of slow progress. I realize that some of these topics make people uncomfortable (racism, crime, poverty, and broken institutions), but that’s what I’ve wanted to write about from the very beginning. Just took a while to get here, I guess. Curtis is an awesome writer and once again, the power of the internet to connect people amazes me.
Photo Credit: Howie Rosen, San Diego Reader.
I joined the Crips at the age of 14. I spent the next 25 years in and out of prison, and on and off parole.
It was a long and winding road with lots of violent encounters and ever-changing circumstances.
During the course of these transitions I have been homeless, on drugs, involved in major prison race riots, as well as other street life ups and downs. I have to admit that although I did enjoy some “up times” with money, fine women, and nightlife; my “down times” by far outweighed them all.
Eventually, I gave up the lifestyle of gangs and crime altogether. I now find myself in a constant struggle to survive; to keep a job; to pay the rent. It’s hard, homeboy.
Last week I attended a community meeting that would address resolutions to problems in my neighborhood in southeast San Diego. There were several organizations present that claim to assist individuals like myself; ex-offenders; at-risk teens, and the like. The basis of these meetings are in the best interest of the community, and since I am sold on anything that works towards improvement, I attended. I was disappointed…
This forum brought back memories of prison politics and unstructured gang meetings. People were interjecting guest speakers to correct or question them, rather than writing down their concerns to ask afterwards. I was then introduced as a guest speaker by the wrong name, and then rudely interrupted three times!
One panel member startled me as he suddenly jumped up to loudly announce his departure in the middle of my speech: “Alright you guys I gotta go. Have a good night and stay positive!”
The second interruption came in the form of an extremely loud ringtone. The owner of the phone appeared to let us enjoy his selection of music before running out the door like the highly successful businessman to answer.
The third panel member interjected and took the floor from me for five minutes.
I attended the forum that night with hopes of meeting someone that could assist me with finding a job. I thought that they would recognize my struggle and help me. I thought that they would view me as a potential asset to the community as being someone that could reach the youth due to my past. However, I left the meeting that night only being known as the guy who wrote the cover story for the November 7th issue of the San Diego Reader.
I guess the meeting did more good than bad. They offered plenty of “advice” and some lightweight resources, but in the end the ultimate message was very clear: If you want change you have to be proactive in making it happen for yourself. There are no handouts in life.
Curtis-I look forward to hearing more of your story. I’m not going to pretend I have any idea what it’s really like-the life you lived. I come from such a different background, but I love to hear all perspectives of life. When I sometimes get down about my life and struggles, I realize that there are a lot of people out there who struggle too. I’m sorry you were not heard at that meeting. I wish you the best and look forward to reading more!
That’s interesting! Normally people who have no idea of what that life is like are very critical of the subject matter. Impressed that you could read with an open mind. Thanks!!!
I just read your story in the Reader. It’s incredible that you’ve been able to pick yourself up again after experiencing the downs and hurdles you’ve encountered over the course of your life. I think you’re going to make an incredible addition to the American Debt Project website, I hope it’s a good step up for you, and I’m looking forward to reading your posts!
HEY, THANKS A LOT! I look forward to writing more. Thanks Cassie
What a story, and what a fantastic writer you are. Cannot wait to read more!
Thanks for reading. I value your compliment and review. Curtis…
I think you learned a good lesson. I learned it a long time ago, it is no use to complain, just do what is necessary for yourself. Good luck.
You’re right. Complaining turns you into a victim. Gotta move forward! Thanks for reading. Curtis…
Sorry you had such a bad experience, Curtis. I was a therapist for 7 years and attended many meetings that were supposed to accomplish so much for the community, yet ended up being little more than a social gathering for all the employees of various “helping” organizations. I can tell you’re driven to do more than that and give back in real ways, and I hope the right opportunity presents itself soon. I really look forward to reading more of your posts and I appreciate you sharing with us!
Thanks Andrea, sounds like you know exactly what I went through that night. Perfect description! (social gathering) Disappointed I was, but motivated by that same negativity to succeed. Thanks for the review! I look forward to writing more. Curtis…
[...] I’m Just That Guy Who Wrote the Cover Story of the Reader…- American Debt Project [...]
Curtis, I just ran across this website tonight and went back and read your story that you wrote for the Reader too. I am sorry too that your opportunity to speak and reach out to young people who only someone like you would be able to was interrupted and not really heard or understood. I don’t know anything about gang life. I know a little about prison and parole because my brother was a lifetime prisoner…using the rotating door…he would get out and just go do something to get back in again. He started before he was 13 with his crimes so I don’t think he ever visualized himself on the outside. I don’t know. He never said. He is an old man now, not too healthy but luckily he is out of prison. He is illegally out of CA too but I don’t think he plans to return for the rest of his life.
You were smarter. Braver. You took the hard way — trying to get a job, a home and the respect from others that you deserve because you are not the same person that walked the streets as a Crip so long ago.
I just wanted to tell you that after reading your articles, you have gained my respect. I am a person that would never run into someone like you in my daily life – or maybe I would – I don’t know now. You are not a scary gang member, or an intimidating creep I wouldn’t want to meet in the streets – you ARE JUST LIKE ME! Well, not exactly like me. I am a deaf grandmother of two but you have the same values, the same struggles, the same desires… I need a job…it’s hard because of my deafness and let’s face it, my age. I want to keep my home…thank God I have one now, but keeping it is going to be tricky. I want the respect of others. You want those same things. We aren’t so different, are we?
I am glad I read your articles…they really made me look at others with a much more understanding of just how much the same we all are.
Wow, this really means a lot to me. I do meet many people who are the same as me in the struggle of life, but only without the background. I have worked in construction and in offices with people who had never been in gangs or trouble with the law, yet we shared many of the same interests and views. It’s only when people are aware of my past and choose to view me in a negative or threatening manner that sets us apart. I’m not one to say that(anybody) with a criminal background should be trusted,but everyone should be given fair evaluation based upon effort, character,and progress towards self improvement. Your brother, at his age, may have felt that it was to late to change, or that his record was so tarnished that he could never redeem himself. Most guys like myself do suffer from uncertain future. And let’s face it, if it weren’t for the fact that I can read and write, you may never have met me either. I thank God that I can reach people like you through writing because if I couldn’t, I may be out of town with your brother right now. God bless you. Your comment meant a lot to me. Curtis…