You know what? I still feel like I am nowhere near where I want to be financially. I’ve taken on some projects and increased my income, but my debt is still there and my assets are not growing nearly as much as I would like. This is a new place for me. I’ve never been less stressed about money yet felt so inadequate. Before I could be delusional and think I am going to increase my income 200% overnight and thereby wipe away all my financial pains. I’m paying down almost $2,000 each month in debt which is not enough to get me to $0 debt by 30. And I know why. I’m not working hard enough. Or smart enough. I’ve gotten back into that mentality where I think I just need one lump sum to take care of my money needs, when a real businesswoman should be thinking about how to build great products that provide value. That’s what I should be focused on, not I need to pay $X per month on this card to get it paid in full–just do that, don’t obsess over it.
I let the compliments get to my head. My friends and coworkers all tell me I am working hard, they seem impressed when I take on a project and it pays off. And I tell Ryan, I’ve worked really hard to get my debt down to this amount! And of course he tells me I’m amazing and that he’s proud of me. He is. But I’m not. This is not where I want to be. Not only should I be working harder, I can be more creative. I say I love color and art and the written word, but where the hell is that reflected in my work, online or otherwise?
This past month I learned a great lesson. I can take an idea from just an idea, a mere suggestion, all the way to execution, profitably. But this was just the first time I pulled something big off. So I’ve spent a few days in a little bit of a self-satisfied daze…when there is so much work to be done. I just read this article on Audrey Gelman and felt like a loser. We all need to be dancing, multi-faceted sparkly diamond versions of ourselves if we want to have our own show on HBO or at least have a speaking role on one.
So there it is. I’m in the best position I’ve ever been in my life to make sh*t happen and I’m trodding along as if a 5K walk is the hardest physical activity I’ve ever experienced. I know there is much more I can do, and in terms of blogging, much more content I can deliver to you, the people. I love the people. Speaking of the people, can one of you win this $999.99 already?